new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
