Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize