walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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