The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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