So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
