and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
