After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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