Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
