My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
