There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
