I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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