He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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