If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
