Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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