At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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