adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
