I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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