Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
