seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
