Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
its liver damage thursday
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