speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
