We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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