Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
