he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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