I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
