end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
