She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
