i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
