guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
