i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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