Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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