We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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