Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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