just tell him i said nine months
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
