Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have feelings that need drinking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
