no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
