Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
