You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
