when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
