remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
