and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
