everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
