Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
