pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
