the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
