Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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