glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
