is your mom at the bar?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
