Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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