So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
