no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
