what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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