It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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