final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
