Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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