FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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