p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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