I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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