dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
