Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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