OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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