ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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