Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
