So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
