i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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