She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
