I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
