he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
