I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
